Tag Archives: feelings

Insisting to put the Make Up On

3 May


This is quiet time for me these days. No wonder I dread it so.

I wonder when I would be able to genuinely smile again.


Light and Freedom

18 May

(Day 18 of Mindful in May)

I’m going to be pretty vague about this one and focus on the feelings because I will be hitting on a specific reader’s toes if I get into any more detail.

The tone I’ve been using on the past few entries have been really dark so instead of trying to keep keeping on like that, I just shut up and let light come in to take care of me.

It is not one instant event given the overwhelming hesitation, uncertainty and mistrust on people and the world had previously appeared to be. The negative forces had been quite active on being too noisy that the tiny person holding the light can barely speak. This then resulted in panic and despair.

A quick trip to the columbarium and a monologue having my father’s ashes as audience was all it took to make me dump every single noise, to qualify its significance in my life, to quash my preconceived notions of what and how should it be and how I should react when people believe it should.

No hagulgol crying was made on this unloading, but I felt tons lighter, my world got more space to be a little more brighter, and that general sense of I-don’t-give-a-flying-fart-I-can-do-anything sense of invincibility has come in and decided to stay once more. 

It’s a pleasant feeling. Like the sound of the heavens when you’re summitting before sunrise.  Like the gentle breeze of the sea as you walk on the beach.  Like the almost flirty tones of the birds chirping.  Like the steadiness of the water as it flows through the stream.

So world, good and bad, I am sooo back and ready to take you on again in full force.  Bring it.


Penumbral Lunar Eclipse on February 9, 2009

10 Feb

“We tend to be more emotionally expressive during a full Moon, and this time around, that bright orb in the night sky is no exception!  Meaningful change is upon us. This eclipse in Leo emphasizes emotional reactions, and psychic sensitivity, spiritual instincts and emotional connectedness will all be heightened during this period. There will be feelings of freedom as blockages melt away. Let go of beliefs that don’t correspond with your current reality and you’ll be able to see the present in a new light. You’re free to redefine your personality and your image. A new hairdo or new clothes would do you a world of good!”

“An old phase ends and a new one begins. Whatever part of your life is not in sync with your true life’s purpose will be the most affected. Make the most of this opportunity to look forward (as well as backward).”

Hunh?!!!  Let us assign some blame on the eclipse instead:

  • Huge job cuts announced by the home office – a very stressful time the past few weeks, and with the current global economic situation, who with their right mind will ever sit still?
  • 2 Fat Boy Thingies – Attending a Fat Boy Slim Show Wednesday night and Buying a Fatboy at Half the Price
  • Done with SL (personal code I’d rather not share meaning with you for now), now moving on
  • My Curly Hair is straightening itself out
  • No weight gain promise!  Just that the weight seems to concentrate getting into the midsection GRRRR.
  • No holiday weight gain whoopeeeee
  • Driving license?  I guess you know what that means…
  • Another single valentine’s day – so what’s new?
  • My local Dynamics Support Team will be going up on a hot air balloon on the next weekend as part of our morale activity

Of course this just means I am alright (absofreakinglutely insane still).  Thanks for caring and sharing and whining and filtering out the bad thoughts with me.

Oh, and don’t find this parting word weird:


When you can grok me too, that is my paradise.


EMO Weather Report (How I Ended 2008)

8 Jan

As Charles Dickens would bicker on A Tale of Two Cities,

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”

Ahahaha, too many polysyllables.

  1. With God’s grace (and very understanding bosses), I had been allowed to go back and spend the holidays with my family in Manila.
  2. With God’s grace (and reliable plastic), a childhood dream of going to Disneyland with my family had been fulfilled.
  3. It might sound minor to the rest of the world, I had been invited to a former colleague’s wedding (it was a NAV team thing yet I hail from AX) and it was my first time to have been subjected to “the garter”!
  4. Enjoyed dinner with my Anawangin tropa.  Tina and Fernan are getting married!  Yay!
  5. I had a chance to see again my Radix12ster buddies.  I got envious that Jackie will go on sabbatical after December but then again when my mind starts considering the financial impact my senses go back.
  6. Leah and I had a good catch-up.  She has agreed to sell her share of the Victoria Station condo with me this year.  God-willing she will join me here by March!
  7. We spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve for the first time at my brother’s house, no preparations done for Noche Buena, Media Noche or Fireworks at our family home.  It seems for our own house we can’t get ourselves to celebrate with my father’s absence, so we had to join my brother instead.  I don’t know if I’m up for that next year.
  8. Due to a flight miscalculation, I had spent 16 hours in Kuala Lumpur.  It was fun, I had the chance to go aroun KLCC, Petronas Towers, Bintang Walk, Menara KL Tower, get a good massage and earn some more A-Club points.

Then I stuck out my thumb, and I’m back here in Dubai!

The holidays and turn of the year makes you wonder and wander for what’s important in life.  What can I say?  I got it all figured out.  And I can’t do a thing.  Yet.

So now I cope.

It will be better soon.  I can smell it.

PS.  How can I forget?  I went to an Ogie Alcasid concert too, organized by my brother!  That’s number 9.

Realizations – 10

10 Nov
  • PMS’ing is fun  – you will get to the point of trying to decide either to bring out a shotgun and start shooting everybody or dropping a plugged in hairdryer on the bath while soaked on it – SEE!  SEE!?  You almost wet your pants there thinking/reading about what I just said
  • Next week (on the 18th) marks my 6th month as an OFW! I NEVER imagined I’d be in this place doing what I do away from home!
  • Just now, I did something I never thought I’d do again.  Hint: A personal career hobby ever since and another hint – Environmental and LIGHT!  Wahahaha don’t even guess because a la Britney Murphy – I’ll never tell…
  • Watching A.I. (Haley Joel Osment) – Such a good reminder that if you really want something with the best of intentions, the universe will find a way to give it to you. So thanks Mao for that lovely note on Patience.

Join us on our Journey to Happy Thoughts!

11 Mar

After finishing a glass of Strawberry Margarilla at Grilla (Robinsons Pioneer),

we get to realize that the events for the past three months has left most of the team (those who matter to us anyway) full of sadness to the point of not being able to think straight.

There are a lot of things missing, moments lost forever, and a lot of uncertainty going around. These then has forced people into going towards into a downward spiral of dejection and worry. Current efforts to “explain” this away does not really help.

As such, we have resolved into reinjecting the good old days where we have an outlet to vent and to kid around. Not to escape, but to provide a rainbow of hope for those who choose to remain.

We invite everyone to share with the rest of the world their happiest thoughts, jokes, moments, comments or suggestions.

Bye Darna & Siopao!

21 Dec

After several years of sharing their warmth, intelligence and impositions as members of our family, they are gone.

Darna (left) used to talk (she responds when you talk to her) and has jumped flights of stairs several times.  Mama before decided to get this kitten lost but she was able to find her way back so we decided to keep her.

Siopao (right), Darna’s mom knows her name and pays heed when you invite her to come by, food or not.  Kneading & purring addict!  Source of major comfort.

Now, all of them are gone forever.  Though at the back of my head and at the dream world, I’ll always get to be with them once more, rubbing themselves under my foot, tugging at my pants, shirt for whatever it is that I’m eating, and rolling over my tummy and back when I lie down.

I don’t think I can ever love another animal as much as I loved, loving and will love these happy set.  I’m missing all of you dearly!

Wallowing in Halloween

2 Nov

I have not been jolly lately and have been moving hell and high water on findinays to reverse this glum.

There was Cine Europa, Friends, New Acquaintances, Slumber, Alcohol, Rantings, Chocolate, Literature.

None of them are working!

Need to find a cheerleader fast!

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