This is quiet time for me these days. No wonder I dread it so.
I wonder when I would be able to genuinely smile again.
A few weeks back I posted a very a very EMO blog dedicated to my father:
He died a few hours ago. This is the last good picture we have together, before I left for Dubai.
The past few weeks had been really hard for him so I’m trying to see his death as a final comfort.
May you rest in peace, Papa. You’ll always be part of my every joy for the rest of my days. Love you.
Over the weekend, I attended the wake of my dad’s eldest sister. This was the very first “Huling Lamay hanggang Libing” thingy I went through and the experience had given me a chance to again encounter epiphanies. It was not easy because I kept subjecting myself (along with some cousins) to sleep deprivation, which I believe is the worst torture possible.
Own Truth #3 reinforces itself.
When the pallbearers were putting her in the
graveyard tomb, we were singing the Happy Birthday song. It would have been her 83rd birthday on that day if she had still been alive.
Around her that day were all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Quite many, but none have been seen to be crying during that time. I think this is because I think she has lived a full life. She has enjoyed her husband, kids, grand kids and even had the chance of taking care of great grand kids before she went.
This again reminds me of how old my parents are. I am certain they had their aspirations before being together and had put them aside for us, their kids. The fear does not lie on losing them; the fear lies on the fact that before they go, I have not done enough to repay their sacrifices for me.
But should that prevent me from living the life the way I want to? I mean, if they have done those things whole-heartedly without any thought of being reciprocated for their efforts, shouldn’t I go and move to where my passion lies?
The fear is, my friendsters, not knowing the answer to this simple query.
Hmmm…Ver’s death, arrival and interment. Without full military honors. All that chu-chu regarding his involvement in the Ninoy-Galman double murder case..that he’s one of those guilty and should be brought to justice for it. I think it’s all crap. This Cory person (who, to my regret, was once my president) was in power for 6 years. She had all the power to find justice for her husband’s death, but did nothing except pestering the Marcoses and their cronies.
Ver died an honorable man. He could’ve been better off if he was allowed to go back years before so he could air his side about these accusations. Then maybe he could’ve given us clues on who is really responsible for Ninoy’s death.
But the General is now dead.
And probably the means of finding out Ninoy’s killers too.
Before I continue, let me first say that I am not a Marcos loyalist, nor a Cory supporter (well, obvious naman sa mga tirada ko sa kanya noh). Ako po’y isang habag na kabataan lang. Hindi ko nakalakhan ang martial law. Pero at my age I believe alam ko na rin ang tama at mali.
Poor Marcoses…they would forever be blamed for everything that’s happening to the country now. Kahit nasa kapangyarihan na sila for 12 or so years…ganon ba talaga katindi ang impact ng Marcos Martial Law? So balewala pala yung pagkaka-President ninyo.
E ano na ang mangyayari sa kanila ngayon? Ewan, ang kulit nila eh.