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Growing up, old & beyond with Papa’s Love

15 Jun

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Pardon if I go extra mushy today. I realize my gift of freakingly accurate rememberance is somehow compromised lately due to either old age, new ideas, taking in fresh concepts, details of new experiences and processing them to make sense on future dealings ( i.e Expanding Muiltiverse).

The need to document the lessons learned and awesomest memories, especially those from my father, who we physically lost last 2008) seem imminent so I will need to go back and forth to this post for updates and stories behind those lessons.

Lessons Learned from Papa:

Reconciling the JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out) with YOLO
Silence when Sober
Alcohol helps dillute the Pain
The  rationale of discipline by the Belt
Enjoying Photography
Formal Outside, Kooky Inside
Chilling Out
Sense of Entitlement – A legit sense of spoiling as a reward or punishment
Freedom and Limits
Religion and Spirituality

Just reaffirming how I love and truly miss Papa – while I’m having tons fun now, can’t wait for the day we’ll get to catch up again IN PERSON.

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To All the Fathers out there, Biological or Functional (The Single Moms, The Breadwinners, The Decision Makers), hats off to you all ūüôā

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Insisting to put the Make Up On

3 May

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This is quiet time for me these days. No wonder I dread it so.

I wonder when I would be able to genuinely smile again.

Engkwentro (Encounters)

18 Jun

If we are to successfully sustain ourselves to be human beings, we need to be able to adequately cope with everyday encounters and retain our sense of well-being.

For some odd reason, adverse encounters are frequent in occurance due to differences in perception and how adjustments needed to deal with the variety these are communicated to the other party.

Hmmm, okay, before this post turns out as a pretentious article with me pretending to be a psyche expert, NO. I just wanted to list¬†the most¬†pleasant events/encounters I’ve experienced and would like to highlight from the past months:

  1. Weddings
  2. Philippine Satellite
  3. Some of my TECH StartUps are starting to fly
  4. Some stuff at the daytime gig office
  5. Couchsurfing Outreach Programs
  6. Mount Pulag Climb with Travel Bloggers & Photographers
  7. Couchsurfing Party Jeepney
  8. IdeaSpace
  9. Lunches, Dinners, Concerts & Movies
  10. IdeaLab & EntrepsbuildPH
  11. White Rock Beach Resort Subic with Family
  12. Haribon
  13. TEDxKatipunan
  14. PHL360

So not busy writing diaries because busy living it out.¬† Hopefully in the next few days I will have links sharing stories about these (or surrender and combine everything to this post.¬† Or these keeps up and I honestly won’t have time to share (you may follow my Twitter or Facebook for a more real time account.

Either way, I do wish that all who have time to look at this to have the same sense of clarity and contentment I am awash with lately. 

Truly, the universe is generously abundant with the blessings coming on into my life. I appreciate with great joy and I ask for more, please ūüôā

Also, a Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary today to my parents.

Light and Freedom

18 May

(Day 18 of Mindful in May)

I’m going to be pretty vague about this one and¬†focus on the feelings¬†because I will be hitting on a specific reader’s toes if I get into any more detail.

The tone I’ve been using on the past few entries have been really dark so instead of trying to keep keeping on like that, I just¬†shut up and let light come in to take care of me.

It is not one instant event given the overwhelming hesitation, uncertainty and mistrust on people and the world had previously appeared to be. The negative forces had been quite active on being too noisy that the tiny person holding the light can barely speak. This then resulted in panic and despair.

A quick trip to the columbarium and a monologue having my father’s ashes as audience was all it took to make me dump every single noise, to qualify its significance in my life,¬†to quash my preconceived notions of¬†what and how should it be and how I should react when¬†people believe it should.

No hagulgol crying was made on this unloading, but I felt tons lighter, my world got more space to be a little more brighter, and that general sense of I-don’t-give-a-flying-fart-I-can-do-anything¬†sense of invincibility has come in and decided to stay once more.¬†

It’s a pleasant feeling. Like the sound of the heavens when you’re summitting before sunrise.¬† Like the gentle breeze of the sea as you walk on the beach.¬† Like the almost flirty tones of the birds chirping.¬† Like the steadiness of the water as it flows through the stream.

So world, good and bad, I am sooo back and ready to take you on again in full force.  Bring it.

 

Epiphanies in Bangalore

14 Jan

I am in Bangalore this week on business (where I plan to add some leisure :-P) so this post will last a week long:

  1. My favorite pants no longer fit me = I’M GETTING FAT na talaga!
  2. I came across two articles about foreigners being mugged here just today because they (or shall I say, we) are not welcome as we are directly competing with locals.  So what?!  I’m still going out.
  3. Kadiri dito – (will elaborate on this later as I can’t phrase it decently), looking back, it is not really kadiri, it’s just not a place I’d like to be;
  4. Though there are a lot of tourist spots, other than commercial street where you would see travelers from all over the world, it does not seem to be a good place for tourists;
  5. Speed will only make my time go by faster, it does not add value if you are rushing all the time if the cause you are doing it for is not a worthy one;
  6. One will not be able to experience a different culture until you have fully opened your mind into it.  I’m not saying I am an Indian expert now, but most of the impressions I had of Indians have turned out to be incorrect.
  7. Vegetarian food is not dull.  I was able to taste a gazillion means of how vegetables and fruits are prepared.  Yes, some are spicy, but some are not.
  8. They are hospitable, in their own little way…

Living in Fear

7 Oct

Over the weekend, I attended the wake of my dad’s eldest sister.¬† This was the very first “Huling Lamay hanggang Libing” thingy I went through and the experience had given me a chance to again encounter epiphanies.¬† It was not easy because I kept subjecting myself (along with some cousins) to sleep deprivation, which I believe is the worst torture possible.¬†

Own Truth #3 reinforces itself. 

When the pallbearers were putting her in the graveyard tomb, we were singing the Happy Birthday song.  It would have been her 83rd birthday on that day if she had still been alive.

Around her that day were all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Quite many, but none have been seen to be crying during that time.  I think this is because I think she has lived a full life.  She has enjoyed her husband, kids, grand kids and even had the chance of taking care of great grand kids before she went.

This again reminds me of how old my parents are.  I am certain they had their aspirations before being together and had put them aside for us, their kids.  The fear does not lie on losing them; the fear lies on the fact that before they go, I have not done enough to repay their sacrifices for me.

But should that prevent me from living the life the way I want to?¬† I mean, if they have done those things whole-heartedly without any thought of being reciprocated for their efforts, shouldn’t I go and move to where my passion lies?

The fear is, my friendsters, not knowing the answer to this simple query.

Learning my own truths

25 Jan

I don’t know if this entry will be the same as the one I tried to post last night – deng WIFI (Own Truth #1: Beggars cannot be choosers.) as I got disconnected while I was trying to post it.  At least the tile is now on the drop down section.

January is almost over and I have yet to post events for several weeks.  Apologies to the curious.  (Own Truth #2: Write as you please.)  Though at work, we have been taught not to send anything when we are "in heat" (not the naughty heat)‚Ķ

[Deng! I got cut several times!  Lesson:  Always click the save button!  Anyways let me continue]

…Personally, I believe you should still put everything down real time so as to preserve the authenticity of your feelings during that exact moment, while you are experiencing it.  First – It is a great way to explode without going postal to people around you.  Second – It is always a treat to get back to – the angry/fuming mad writings become funny, the funny ones become funnier, and the mushy ones become funny, mushier and will make you say "awww‚Ķsoo  sweet!"

If you have decided to read on – good for you!  Here‚Äôs what happened:

I have been at 2 wakes on the first week – one of an officemate (pre-existing ailment) and another for a mom of a former officemate (breast cancer).  Just last night, I saw on the news that at the least 4 people have died in Bohol for diarrhea.  (Own Truth #3:  People die everyday – that should not keep you from living.)  I always have mixed feelings on death.  One of joy – if it will be my own I see it as a final comfort – I see this life as one that has given and continue to offer wonderful things.  Surely there is also something good to look forward to beyond this existence.  One of sorrow – for those left behind.  Regret for things done or not done and feelings of uncertainty for the future. The mere act or process of dying is one that is felt individually – no amount of words will ever allow you to share that feeling. 

As my parents are both over 70,  I have this fear of them dying any moment now.  Good thing both of them are generally healthy – but you can never tell.  So I confront myself – what is the cause of this fear?  If I have those mixed feelings as applied to my personal death wouldn’t it make sense to have the same feeling with people close to me?

I went on a road trip to Tagaytay with some officemates.

January is a good time to reassess your values and find out what you want to do for the rest of your life.  Another 1:1 learning session with my coach right after the Tagaytay trip (I asked to be left behind).  During the session, I was fuming mad, crying,  frustrated and weary.  All good things, coach said.  These feelings simply mean I still give a damn.  But I do need to grow up some time.

One wish granted a couple weeks back – getting drunk! I have never fully understood people who get drunk.  I have always been a social drinker since college but I have not experienced total drunkenness to the point of either getting unconscious (Almost did that a couple months back – but they woke me up! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!), gross vomiting (sabay may vomit bang nde gross?), or walking sideways and/or hitting people and stuff or tumbling down. A pretty simple/complex formula for me: (Own Truth #4: 3 strong ice, 2 oysters, 1 seafood pasta, 1 pesto, 1 chicken sisig = Drunk Olay).

It was at Ramcel’s despedida at Country Steakhouse in Mandaluyong (Gurami Bar – but that’s a different story altogether). I distinctly remember initially downing my third bottle with enjoyment.  That was when my head started to spin. No amount of water, iced tea, or peeing would have helped.  Tina was asked to sing with the band (Combo! Heeheehee!)  I have always been loud that I haven’t noticed that I was cheering for Tina BIG TIME (Geez, Mike even recorded the scream – agony for those who hear it).  On my next visit to the toilet after that yell fest, dinner wants to get out – from my mouth.  As I do not ignore the signs my body tell me – I allowed some of it to go to the sink.  Again Mike saw it and asked, "Olay, okay ka pa ba diyan?"  What do you think?

After that scene I carefully walked from the sink to our table – the realization came.  So this is how they felt.  It’s good!  It’s bad!  When I finally reached our table I stood for a bit to talk to the Combo Manager, give my share of the bill and sit down to try and balance my head.  Hard ūüėõ

I went spiritual as we were going down the steps, crossed the road, hailed a cab and walked 3 blocks from our drop off point to my apartment. " Dear God not here!"  Answered prayer:  I made it home without further embarrassment.  Five minutes after, dinner’s out on our kitchen sink.

Hmmn… what else?

Movies and new restaurant try outs continue. A jamming session with former choir buddies.

Career: I can honestly say I slacked off the entire month while reaping the benefits of hard work for the previous months.  (Own Truth #5: Petiks is also tiring.) Anniversary coming up – primary cause for the itch.

Love Life:  It’s there.  Ripe and ready for the picking.  Do I dive in or cower in fear?  (Own Truth #6:  My love life will take care of itself – no pakialamers!)

So overall January was great!  How was yours?

Signs of Things To Come

7 Mar

Nag stampede, gumuho ang bundok, nag-coup attempt, nag-state of emergency, lumubog ang kalsada, nagkagulo ang mga marino, kumulog, kumidlat, lumindol, nagsi-buwal ang mga poste ng kuryente…

What more? What more can one ask for?  What more can anyone expect? Sign ba yan?  Or is it just me on crazy mode, thinking these things are somehow connected. Or is it pure sequential coincidences?

To those genuinely concerned,  thanks for the thoughts and messages.  I’m doing fine.  The transition stage is always an interesting mix of excitement of something new (and we all know I’m a kinda bit biased to that) and the frustration of not knowing everything yet.

Pre-Valentine Chuvaness

8 Feb
  • Movie: Big Time

This is a cool Indie movie with one of the lead stars being the guy that starred as Emilyano in Romulus D’ Grayt, a former Anna Lunna child star contrabida, and , uh, I don’t know where the other 2 guys came from.

It’s the story of 2 small time criminals on the path to their first "Big Time" venture.

A lot of funny moments:

  1. The lead girl being totally lost in the world of showbiz
  2. The guys kept asking each other who would they prefer to… (GMA or Miriam?  Cristy Fermin or Ate Luds?)
  3. Why their first kidnapping attempt of a dog failed miserably
  4. Why their actual kidnapping attempt (again!) failed
  5. When the lead star was grooming the hair and touching the face of his dead partner wherein his dead partner said "Pare, bading ka talaga!"
  6. The "Dead" comments.
  • Food and Drink:  Mangan

Where I realized that the what I thought of as "Bibingka" had been "Biko" all this time.  Well, I loved "Bibingka"/Biko.  So when my friend ordered it I said I was glad to share it only to find out I don’t like Bibinga at all.

  • WOWOWEE Ultra Stampede

A lot has been said about it. 

Here’s a space to share my sorrow with everyone who was affected and my anger with those responsible.

Most of those dead and injured where women who keep the family together financially, with their hopes that the have a fair chance of winning.  Possibly an act of desperation as they obviously cannot depend on the other members of their families. 

Point is people there never planned to kill each other simply to win money.

The consolation for those who died is at the least they were provided their final comfort.

Several investigations have been started to establish the primary parties responsible, and goodluck with that, as I’m 100% sure that results would be politically charged. 

Probably by this time the celebrities and people doing the rounds with the victims and families have numbed already, hearing the same sad stories, seeing a lot of dead bodies and listening to the sobs of their loved ones.  I sincerely hope this is not so.

  • Movie: Walk the Line

The Oscar nominations got me interested on watching it, but I had doubts since it’s another biopic.  Not really my cup of tea.

Death, "serving the country", starting a family, music, drugs, groupies, love, great comebacks via a concert in jail. The life and times of Johnny Cash.

I was almost convinced that it was Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon singing.  The press releases said some of the songs was really sang by them, then hats off to these guys as they did an excellent job!

My verdict: Nothing too outstanding about it.

My Caller Ringback*

25 Jan

Deng!

Really sad.

I have had the same ringback since May.  Friends, relatives and people from work have been calling and have been listening that ringback tune, from an AVP down to an encoder.  Today, I had to temporarily deactivate it to accommodate calls from abroad.

Apparently, these foreigners don’t get the ringback concept yet, they think they are being redirected to an answering machine and that I’m not available to answer their call (although yeah, sometimes, I’m not–but that’s another story).¬† Add to that the fact that some parts of the message were in Filipino.

Hayy how sad talaga, yucckkk nman. Eiiwww…

So for now, when you try to reach my through my mobile phone, just wait for the ring-ring.  But if you really miss the deng ringback, you can always listen here.

Hayyyy….

*Ringback Tunes are a new personalization service, which replaces the standard ringtone (ring-ring) for your friends and family to enjoy.

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