(Day 18 of Mindful in May)
I’m going to be pretty vague about this one and focus on the feelings because I will be hitting on a specific reader’s toes if I get into any more detail.
The tone I’ve been using on the past few entries have been really dark so instead of trying to keep keeping on like that, I just shut up and let light come in to take care of me.
It is not one instant event given the overwhelming hesitation, uncertainty and mistrust on people and the world had previously appeared to be. The negative forces had been quite active on being too noisy that the tiny person holding the light can barely speak. This then resulted in panic and despair.
A quick trip to the columbarium and a monologue having my father’s ashes as audience was all it took to make me dump every single noise, to qualify its significance in my life, to quash my preconceived notions of what and how should it be and how I should react when people believe it should.
No hagulgol crying was made on this unloading, but I felt tons lighter, my world got more space to be a little more brighter, and that general sense of I-don’t-give-a-flying-fart-I-can-do-anything sense of invincibility has come in and decided to stay once more.
It’s a pleasant feeling. Like the sound of the heavens when you’re summitting before sunrise. Like the gentle breeze of the sea as you walk on the beach. Like the almost flirty tones of the birds chirping. Like the steadiness of the water as it flows through the stream.
So world, good and bad, I am sooo back and ready to take you on again in full force. Bring it.