Learning my own truths

25 Jan

I don’t know if this entry will be the same as the one I tried to post last night – deng WIFI (Own Truth #1: Beggars cannot be choosers.) as I got disconnected while I was trying to post it.  At least the tile is now on the drop down section.

January is almost over and I have yet to post events for several weeks.  Apologies to the curious.  (Own Truth #2: Write as you please.)  Though at work, we have been taught not to send anything when we are "in heat" (not the naughty heat)…

[Deng! I got cut several times!  Lesson:  Always click the save button!  Anyways let me continue]

…Personally, I believe you should still put everything down real time so as to preserve the authenticity of your feelings during that exact moment, while you are experiencing it.  First – It is a great way to explode without going postal to people around you.  Second – It is always a treat to get back to – the angry/fuming mad writings become funny, the funny ones become funnier, and the mushy ones become funny, mushier and will make you say "awww…soo  sweet!"

If you have decided to read on – good for you!  Here’s what happened:

I have been at 2 wakes on the first week – one of an officemate (pre-existing ailment) and another for a mom of a former officemate (breast cancer).  Just last night, I saw on the news that at the least 4 people have died in Bohol for diarrhea.  (Own Truth #3:  People die everyday – that should not keep you from living.)  I always have mixed feelings on death.  One of joy – if it will be my own I see it as a final comfort – I see this life as one that has given and continue to offer wonderful things.  Surely there is also something good to look forward to beyond this existence.  One of sorrow – for those left behind.  Regret for things done or not done and feelings of uncertainty for the future. The mere act or process of dying is one that is felt individually – no amount of words will ever allow you to share that feeling. 

As my parents are both over 70,  I have this fear of them dying any moment now.  Good thing both of them are generally healthy – but you can never tell.  So I confront myself – what is the cause of this fear?  If I have those mixed feelings as applied to my personal death wouldn’t it make sense to have the same feeling with people close to me?

I went on a road trip to Tagaytay with some officemates.

January is a good time to reassess your values and find out what you want to do for the rest of your life.  Another 1:1 learning session with my coach right after the Tagaytay trip (I asked to be left behind).  During the session, I was fuming mad, crying,  frustrated and weary.  All good things, coach said.  These feelings simply mean I still give a damn.  But I do need to grow up some time.

One wish granted a couple weeks back – getting drunk! I have never fully understood people who get drunk.  I have always been a social drinker since college but I have not experienced total drunkenness to the point of either getting unconscious (Almost did that a couple months back – but they woke me up! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!), gross vomiting (sabay may vomit bang nde gross?), or walking sideways and/or hitting people and stuff or tumbling down. A pretty simple/complex formula for me: (Own Truth #4: 3 strong ice, 2 oysters, 1 seafood pasta, 1 pesto, 1 chicken sisig = Drunk Olay).

It was at Ramcel’s despedida at Country Steakhouse in Mandaluyong (Gurami Bar – but that’s a different story altogether). I distinctly remember initially downing my third bottle with enjoyment.  That was when my head started to spin. No amount of water, iced tea, or peeing would have helped.  Tina was asked to sing with the band (Combo! Heeheehee!)  I have always been loud that I haven’t noticed that I was cheering for Tina BIG TIME (Geez, Mike even recorded the scream – agony for those who hear it).  On my next visit to the toilet after that yell fest, dinner wants to get out – from my mouth.  As I do not ignore the signs my body tell me – I allowed some of it to go to the sink.  Again Mike saw it and asked, "Olay, okay ka pa ba diyan?"  What do you think?

After that scene I carefully walked from the sink to our table – the realization came.  So this is how they felt.  It’s good!  It’s bad!  When I finally reached our table I stood for a bit to talk to the Combo Manager, give my share of the bill and sit down to try and balance my head.  Hard 😛

I went spiritual as we were going down the steps, crossed the road, hailed a cab and walked 3 blocks from our drop off point to my apartment. " Dear God not here!"  Answered prayer:  I made it home without further embarrassment.  Five minutes after, dinner’s out on our kitchen sink.

Hmmn… what else?

Movies and new restaurant try outs continue. A jamming session with former choir buddies.

Career: I can honestly say I slacked off the entire month while reaping the benefits of hard work for the previous months.  (Own Truth #5: Petiks is also tiring.) Anniversary coming up – primary cause for the itch.

Love Life:  It’s there.  Ripe and ready for the picking.  Do I dive in or cower in fear?  (Own Truth #6:  My love life will take care of itself – no pakialamers!)

So overall January was great!  How was yours?

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One Response to “Learning my own truths”

  1. jepoy January 28, 2007 at 5:36 pm #

    ahhhh….
    where is Own Truth #4?
    tsaka baket 2 un Own Truth #6?
    sorry for bein a pakialamer.
    hehehe!!!

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